WHEN YOU GET THERE - HOW WILL YOU KNOW?

The advantageous privacy allowed by online dating sites means you can look for singles from the comfort of your home and away from the public eye. It usually leads inevitably to some "chat-hopping", meaning that you find a few promising profiles and start a Live chat with some of them almost simultaneously, or at least that during a period of time you find yourself frequently chatting with more than one possible dating partner. How will you know when you get there? The usual answer is that you will know when you get there.

But for the dreamer, the too eager, the skeptic and the disenchanted alike, there is a danger in their search for love, online or otherwise: they do not wear the right lenses, and so will easily mistake what it is not for what it is, or the other way round. Do you recognise any such traits on yourself? Then it might be a good idea to look into them, as love (or beauty, as the saying goes) is in the eye of the beholder: if it does not see properly, you are in for a mess!

Yes, love at first sight does exist. I, for one, have seen it happen once right before my eyes, so I may bear witness to its being a fact of life, and one not less surprising than spontaneous combustion which, luckily, I have not witnessed in person. However, it is not at all common but exactly the opposite: it is a very rare occurrence, and most couples do not start their journey that way. You probably know or suspect that from your own experience this far in the universe of Online dating.

(Sorry for the platitude, but when I mention "love" I do not mean the falling-in-and-out-of-love scheme seemingly favored by part of our society, where some people act like a sort of perverse hummingbirds in "love" matters, and this is considered a normal pattern of behavior. They first "have a crush" on someone and dedicate themselves intensely to seduction; sometimes, they succeed and start a relationship but, soon after that, they grow tired or bored or unhappy or who-knows-what with their lot, and fly away in search of, as it were, another flower to sip the nectar of new sensations.)

What usually happens is something much more tentative and gradual, like the development of a friendship. Love evolves and grows with time and frequent contact, while doing things together and getting to know each other in our daily lives. Of course, sometimes we give our relationships a treat and do something special, but that is not the point. Most people fall in love much more slowly than what we see in movies or TV shows, or read in print. Fortunately, Live Chats and online dating sites are full of real people's stories that can be an eye-opener in this matter.

Talking about eye-openers for dreamers: no, Prince and Princess Charming do not exist out of our imagination and its products, but there are many good chances to find a great partner for life if we conveniently and realistically shun perfection ideals as something that can be found or achieved. They are only abstract concepts that point towards improvement and might thus serve us well, but we tend to get frustrated along the way, forgetting that they are out of reach. Not like your date, as you will know... when you get there.


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